The Home
1. Marriage:
- Marriage is a divine institution; the first that God established in the human race. It is the lifelong union of a man and a woman, to form "one flesh", for the perpetuity and happiness of the human race (Genesis 1:27-28; Genesis 2:18-24).
Genesis 1:27-28
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Genesis 2:18-24
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
- Marriage duly constituted and its relations are worthy and honorable. "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled". What is dishonorable and sinful is fornication (carnal union between unmarried persons) and adultery (carnal union of married persons outside of marriage). "But whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
- Marriage is the foundation of the home, the family, the church, society, the nation, and the race. The Gospel confers a special sanctity upon the institution of the home. It compares marriage with the ineffable union that exists between Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:22-33).
Ephesians 5:22-33
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
2. The Husband:
The husband is the head of the home, but his authority must be exercised with love. Just as all our duties toward God are summed up in our love for Him, so the husband must show his love for his wife in everything (Ephesians 5:25-33). Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:25-33
The wife's life is made up of small things; therefore, the husband should make her happy through courtesies. Love and good treatment are the only wages the wife receives from her husband.
3. The Wife:
The wife, while enjoying all the consideration of her husband, must "be subject to her husband, as it is fit in the Lord" (Colossians 3:18). Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Colossians 3:18
Everything that applies to the husband regarding love and good treatment equally applies to the wife with respect to her husband. The wife must honor and obey her husband (1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:22), and must be industrious (Proverbs 31:10-31). But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. 1 Corinthians 11:3
Ephesians 5:22
Proverbs 31:10-31
4. Parents:
- Parents who bring an immortal being into existence are assuming the greatest responsibility that human beings can assume. Those who do not assume parental responsibilities are worthy of condemnation (1 Timothy 5:8).
1 Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
- Parents must not only provide their children with necessary things, but also spiritual things. "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). If necessary, they must discipline their children to teach them obedience (Proverbs 13:24; Proverbs 19:18; Proverbs 22:15).
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 13:24
He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Proverbs 19:18
Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Proverbs 22:15
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
5. Children:
- The first and only commandment accompanied by a promise is for children: "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee" (Exodus 20:12).
Exodus 20:12
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
- Children must respect, obey, honor, help, and care for their parents when they need it.
6. Courtship:
- Young Christians must marry "in the Lord". That is, with Christians. Marrying unbelievers is an "unequal yoke", which the Bible condemns (2 Corinthians 6:14-18).
2 Corinthians 6:14-18
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.
And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.
And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.
- In their friendship and relationship as courting couples, young Christians must adorn Christian doctrine and teaching; they must behave with complete honesty and abstain from every appearance of evil. They must be fully sure of God's will when making a choice that is for life. It is advisable not to sit together in church.
7. Divorce:
- As we have already seen, marriage is a divine institution, whose bond is broken only by death (1 Corinthians 7:39). When the Pharisees asked about divorce, the Lord was very emphatic in declaring that "he which made them at the beginning made them male and female... and they twain shall be one flesh; what therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:3-6).
1 Corinthians 7:39
The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
Matthew 19:3-6
The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
- In the matrimonial union of a man and a woman, whether converted or unconverted, and regardless of who officiates, whether minister, priest, or judge, God imparts His approval, and they cease to be two, to become "one flesh".
- Marriage is a law of God; divorce is a human violation. Divorce attempts to separate what before God is inseparable. Divorce is like cutting, sawing "one flesh", one body, in two halves. Horrible!
- The relationship and bond between husband and wife is more intimate than between parents and children. "For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife". Can the bond between parents and children be broken, no matter what lawyers and judges do? Never! The father may disinherit, deny, etc., but he will still be father, and the son, son. Likewise, and much less so, the matrimonial bond cannot be broken by men.
- The Pharisees insisted on the matter, and asked again: "Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?" To this the Lord answered: "Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:3-8).
Matthew 19:3-8
The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
Note that it was "because of the hardness of heart". In the Gospel there is no place for hardness of heart. The Gospel heals hardness of heart (1 Timothy 1:5; 1 Peter 3:8; Romans 2:5). Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned: Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: But after thy hardness and impenitent heart treasurest up unto thyself wrath against the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God; Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned: Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: But after thy hardness and impenitent heart treasurest up unto thyself wrath against the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God; 1 Timothy 1:5
1 Peter 3:8
Romans 2:5
Note that Moses did not command it; rather, he had to permit, tolerate an existing situation. Christ declares: "From the beginning it was not so".
The Christian people must not be governed by the hardness of heart of the Jews, nor by Moses' permissions because of that hardness; but by the principle established by God, which gave no place, nor made provision for divorce.
The Lord declares that the only cause for divorce would be fornication (Matthew 19:9). In Deuteronomy 24:1 this cause is explained, and it says: "When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house". And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. Matthew 19:9
Deuteronomy 24:1
It has always been affirmed with biblical evidence that adultery is carnal union outside of marriage; and fornication, carnal union between unmarried persons.
If the only cause for divorce is fornication, and if divorce was permitted because the newly married husband found that his wife had fornicated with another before marriage, then he could give her a bill of divorcement.
Several important realities must be taken into account:
- First: The Gospel according to Saint Matthew was written especially for the Jews, among whom divorce was a national plague. They divorced for any reason, even because the soup was too salty or bland for the wife.
- Second: The Gospels according to Saint Mark and Saint Luke, which were written for the Gentiles (us), mention absolutely nothing about permissions for divorce (Mark 10:1-12; Luke 16:18).
Mark 10:1-12
And he arose from thence, and cometh into the coasts of Judaea by the farther side of Jordan: and the people resort unto him again; and, as he was wont, he taught them again.
And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.
And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.
And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
Luke 16:18
Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.
And he arose from thence, and cometh into the coasts of Judaea by the farther side of Jordan: and the people resort unto him again; and, as he was wont, he taught them again.
And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.
And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.
And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.
- Third: In none of the passages (Matthew, Mark, and Luke) does the Lord mention, or even infer, that in case of divorce there is freedom to remarry. Rather, as we have seen, in Mark and Luke He does not even mention divorce, much less remarriage.
- Fourth: Sometimes the verse is cited, "if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" (2 Corinthians 5:17), to say that whoever divorces and remarries in a life of sin, all of that, the first marriage and the divorce, is annulled when coming to Christ. This is an erroneous application of this verse. The institution of marriage is not conditioned, modified, altered, or annulled by the experience of the new birth. If it were so, then the marriage that took place in a life of sin would be annulled, and as one is now a "new creature", one could leave one's "old wife" and marry a "new wife". This is absurd.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
According to the Word of God, whoever is divorced should pray much and remain single; whoever is divorced and remarried and cannot undo the remarriage, should likewise pray much, seek God, and remain in the church, although they cannot hold official positions or exercise the ministry, for the Bible establishes strict requirements for the ministry.
The Apostle Paul, after dealing with the gifts of the Holy Spirit, says "But I show you a more excellent way". That more excellent way is the love of God poured out in our hearts.
And in all this matter of marital relations and matrimonial problems, the more excellent way is also the love of God overflowing in our hearts, which guides us to forgiveness, reconciliation, preservation of the home, and obedience to the Word of God.
Questions
1. Briefly explain the institution of marriage.
2. What is the duration of the matrimonial bond?
3. Was divorce among the Jews a commandment of God or a permission of Moses?
4. What compelled Moses to tolerate such a practice?
5. What is the more excellent way that should govern?
6. What was the only cause for divorce?